


Lessons Learned

by 16woodsequ



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Loki (Marvel) Feels, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting, Thor (Marvel) Feels, Thor (Marvel) is Not Stupid, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, even if its a little late
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 18:37:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17534078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/16woodsequ/pseuds/16woodsequ
Summary: Thor learned many lessons while on Earth, not all of them the ones his father intended.





	Lessons Learned

**Author's Note:**

> This was born from my musings over why Thor said what he did to his father at the end of Thor 1.

Getting banished to Earth taught Thor many things.  
  
He lands there, raw and angry, the Mjolnir ripped from him, his power gone (its loss tearing at him, leaving his skin crawling), only to immediately be accosted by Midgardians.   
He rages at them, not because he necessarily  _needed_ to fight them, because  _he should be able to_. Instead he is defeated almost instantly, first by the woman, and later by the Midgardians doctors.    
  
The world goes black.  
  
He wakes up and he's strapped to a bed. The flimsy restrains should be nothing to him, he  _should_  be able to tear the bonds easily, but he  _can't_ and he feels powerless all over again.  
  
Panic that he would never admit to fills his chest, and he's reminded of the nerves he'd been feeling in the hours leading up to his coronation.   
Of course back then he'd refused to acknowledge them, and Loki had been there to distract him.   
Now though, he is alone.   
  
Loki. What would his younger brother think of this situation? What would he do, powerless and trapped in a foreign realm?  
  
  
_"Just once, do you think_ _we could go in_ without  _drawing the attention of everything in the vicinity?" Loki is next to him, their backs pressed against a stone outcropping, the sound of pounding feet announcing the eminent arrival of their foes._  
  
_Thor laughs and twirls his hammer, readying himself for the upcoming fight. "Where's the fun in that, brother?" He asks, sending Loki a confident smile._  
  
_Loki looks rueful and pulls out his daggers. "We can't always go in fist swinging you know." He says as if in jest but his eyes are looking intently at Thor. "There's no shame in pausing to think."_  
  
_Thor smiles and clasps his brother's shoulder before turning and preparing to meet the quickly advancing horde behind them. "That's what I have you for, isn't it?"_  
  
  
Thor pauses in his struggling and takes a breath. He can't break the bonds, but maybe... Carefully he begins to twist his wrists and little by little he is able to squeeze he hand out of the Midgardian restrains.  
Once free Thor is left with a confusing sense of satisfaction. Normally an escape like this would only be the first step towards a mighty victory. But now Thor can't fight the way he wants to. He's not sure if he should be proud of being able to escape in his weakened state or ashamed that he'd been brought so low.   
  
  
It's only later, on the roof with Jane that he first begins to question what he thinks strength to be.   
He had been so close, so close to taking his hammer and flying home, but no matter how hard he fought, his power still wouldn't return.   
All his life he'd been told to honor the strength of the soldier, but now his strength was gone, his father dead, and his banishment seemingly permanent.   
  
Now Loki is king, because despite all of Thor's strength, his own arrogance had been his downfall.   
  
_You've forgotten everything I've taught you._  His father's words, spoken moments before his banishment, come back to him. Staring into the fire on the roof, Thor wonders what exactly his father had wanted him to learn.  
On Asgard, being a warrior was considered the most honorable and desirable thing someone could be. People who weren't warriors weren't  _exactly_ looked down upon, but they weren't respected the same way either.   
That was why Sif had fought so hard to be viewed as a warrior.   
Loki had fought for the very same thing, despite fighting mainly with his seidr. It wasn't that Loki  _couldn't_ fight like a proper warrior, he had been training with weapons for nearly as long as Thor had, but he'd  _chosen_  to use his magic instead.   
  
_Why can't I be both?_ Loki had once asked sharply, when Thor had questioned Loki's choices. Both of them knew that being a warrior was important, yet Loki continued to practice seidr despite the subtle (and not so subtle) scorn he faced from the other warriors.   
  
_Seidr can be a fearsome weapon._ Loki had argued.  _Why can't I be both a warrior_ and  _a Seidrmage?_  
Thor had scoffed at the time, if Loki wanted to use trickery and seidr like a woman that was his choice, but that didn't qualify Loki as a warrior in Thor's books.   
  
Now though, Thor was beginning to question his bias.   
As he had explained to Jane, Earth's science and Asgard's magic were one and the same, and in a sense, Jane and her companions could be considered Seidrmages.  
It wasn't unusual for women like Jane or Darcy to be interested in such areas of study, and Thor respected them in their work, but he was brought up short by their other companion, Erik Selvig.   
Here was a man with seemingly  _no_  desire to pursue a more honorable career, instead he chooses to focus on the study of science like Jane.   
And yet... he was respected. The warriors of SHIELD has stood aside while he used trickery to free Thor from their custody, and nobody around Thor seemed to find any shame in the man's line of work.   
  
And then there was Darcy. She studied science like Jane, yet she also carried a weapon with her. She'd looked proud when she'd explained to Thor that she'd taken him down with what she called a taser. If anything, Darcy was the definition of both a warrior and a Seidrmage and nobody seemed to have problem with that.   
Sure, Jane had rolled her eyes when Darcy recounted the event, but neither she nor Selvig seemed overly concerned with Darcy's duel-identity.  
  
What was more, Jane didn't seem to know even the basics of self-defense. On Asgard, everyone was taught how to wield a weapon from a young age, even if most of the women never became warriors. Yet Jane carried no weapons,  _Selvig_ carried no weapons, only Darcy.   
Despite that, Thor got the impression that none of his new companions were weak in any way. While they weren't strong in the traditional sense, they were able to manipulate SHIELD into releasing Thor, much like Loki would have.   
  
Everything on Midgard was so different and confusing, yet Thor was now beginning to question the values he'd been taught his whole life.   
  
Because Thor  _does_ remember what his father had taught him. Odin had always emphasized the importance of being strong, of being a warrior. And while he never  _said_ anything, his disapproval of Loki's chosen weapons, his tongue, dagger and seidr, was palpable.   
Thor thinks back to how hard Loki had had to fight in order to finally be sent to Vanaheim and taught seidr by a true Seidrmage.   
  
Now, far from his home realm, Thor begins to wonder why exactly Asgard - and the Allfather - had hated seidr so much. After all, Odin wielded seidr, what exactly was the difference between him and Loki?  
  
When he was younger Thor had thought it was simply a matter of power, the Allfather's seidr was respected because he had the power and ability to fight like a true warrior  _as well_ as magic. But now Thor wasn't so sure.   
Was he ever given a true reason against Loki's magic? Or had he simply learned from example?  
_What exactly had his father taught him?_

 

 

  
Later,when he's fighting his brother to save a race of people which he was taught to hate, he wonders what exactly his father had taught Loki.

 

"All your  _strength_ ," Loki snarls, his voice twisted in ways that Thor doesn't understand. "What good does it do you  _now_ huh?" 

Jotunheim is being destroyed, and Thor shouldn't care about the Jotuns - didn't care until he began to question everything - and now it's time to fulfill his oath to protect the nine realms.  _All_ of the nine, including Jotunheim.

"Do you hear me brother? There's  _nothing_ that you can do!" 

  
There is. There is one thing he can do. His usual warrior strength may be useless here, but Thor has learned, strength is more than pure battle rage, more than physical stature, it's pausing to think before flying into battle, it's fighting against every scornful look... it's making hard decisions for the greater good. 

So Thor breaks the bridge, cutting off Loki's attack on Jotunheim and cutting himself off from Jane. 

After the resulting blast he finds himself hanging over the edge, his father's grip on his ankle the only thing keeping him from tumbling into the Void. Loki is clutching the end of Gungnir, his weight straining the muscles along Thor's arm and back. He hopes their father has strength enough to pull them both back.

That line of thought is cut off because Loki is looking desperate, pleading with their father for... understanding perhaps, but Thor doesn't understand. He doesn't understand why Loki lied to him about their father's death, why he sent the Destroyer to Earth or why he suddenly felt the need to destroy Jotunheim entirely.

Whatever Loki is looking for he doesn't get. At their father's soft  _"No Loki,"_  his brother's face closes off, much the same way it had when Thor had scorned his seidr all those years ago, and Thor has a sudden, awful, realization of what's going to happen next.

"Loki no!" He shouts desperately, pleading with him, because what ever happened, whatever caused Loki to break so thoroughly, they can fix, if Loki would just  _hang on_ -

But Loki lets go, and Thor feels his stomach drop in horror as he's forced to watch helplessly as his brother falls into the Abyss.

He knows he screams, but the rest is a blur as his father painstakingly hauls him back over the edge of the Rainbow Bridge. 

Loki had just- he'd just...

But he could still be alive. It was still possible, Asgardians could survive short periods in the Void, and Loki had his seidr and...and the Bifrost had still been collapsing as Loki fell, it was possible that he'd been transported to another realm, maybe even Jotunheim. 

Thor stumbles upright from where he'd been sitting in shock on the bridge.  
He needs to find Heimdall. Heimdall would know. 

"Thor..." His father tries to get his attention but Thor is already calling the Mjolnir to his grasp. 

"I have to get to Heimdall." He says dazedly before spinning Mjolnir and speeding off towards the healing rooms.

He bursts into the room, anxiety bubbling under his skin, because every second they waste Loki is falling further and  _he needs to know where his brother is right_   _now_.   
He locates Heimdall on one of the healing beds and marches towards him, gripping Mjolnir like a lifeline. 

"Can you see him?" He demands, a hint of desperation colouring his voice. "Loki. Can you  _see_ him."  
   

Heimdall looks sorrowful and Thor knows the words before Heimdall says them.  
"I am sorry my prince. He is beyond my sight."  
  
Something deflates in Thor and the Mjolnir hangs loosely in his hand. He looks at Heimdall in painful confusion.   
  
"Why?" He questions softly. "Why did Loki... what  _happened_  while I was away?"  
  
Heimdall has an undecipherable look on his face and his pushes himself up a little higher on the bed.   
"That, is something you should discuss with your father, my prince."   
  
Thor's brow furls and he opens his mouth to question Heimdall further when his mother rushes into the room.  
  
"Thor!" She looks frantic as she runs to him. "Are you hurt? What happened?"  
  
Thor's breath catches and his throat works as he swallows, dread pooling in his stomach. "The Bifrost is broken." He manages. "Father is on his way back."   
  
His mother's eyes search his and he looks away. "Loki..." His throat closes and he stutters. His eyes close in exhaustion and a sudden wave of anger at his brother, for letting go, for placing him in this situation, washes over him.   
Breathing deeply Thor tries to rein in his emotions.   
  
"Loki... fell into the Void." He says softly, looking into the middle-distance beyond his mother's shoulder. "He let go and he fell from the Bifrost."  
  
"He let go?" Frigga repeats in shock, not quite understanding what her son is telling her.  
Thor's lips press into a thin line. "I caught him but he..." He shakes his head and pulls away from his mother. "Father is on his way back." He says again, heading towards the doors of the infirmary.   
  
Frigga follows him to the front gate and they wait in silence as Odin returns, carrying Gungnir, his face clouded.   
  
"Odin..." Frigga begins, taking a step towards him.  
"I would speak with both of you in my study." Odin says briskly, brushing past her. "We have much to discuss."  
  
  
Odin marches purposefully through the palace, his right hand clutching Gungnir while Thor and Frigga follow behind. Advisers rush up to Odin, probably seeking answers and guidance now that the Bifrost is literally exploded, but Odin waves them away.   
  
Upon reaching the study, Odin sinks heavily into a chair next to the fireplace in the wall, his head bowed.   
Thor suddenly becomes very aware of how old his father is.   
  
Frigga takes the other chair across from Odin and Thor chooses to remain standing, the Mjolnir safely stored on his belt.   
  
They sit there like that for a moment, the firelight flickering across the shadows of Odin's face, before Thor finally breaks the silence.  
  
"Father." His voice seems to hang in the air. "What happened while I was banished? Why did Loki..." He cuts himself off because he's not sure how to end the question.  _Why did Loki attack me, why did he attack Jotunheim, why did. he. let. go._  
  
Odin sighs deeply before answering. "It is impossible to understand your brother's motives without asking him." He states. "However, I have my suspicions."   
Odin looks like he'd much rather be doing anything else, but he continues in the same hushed tone as before, never once looking up from the fire.  
  
"While you were on Midgard... Loki... discovered his true parentage."   
  
Thor's brow furled in confusion. "His what?" He glances at his mother but she is staring hard at Odin's face, her hands clasped tightly in her lap.  
  
Odin lets out a breath and sits back in his chair before finally bringing his eye up to look at his son.  
   
"Loki is not your brother by blood Thor, indeed, he is not even Asgardian by blood."   
  
Thor is beginning to wish he'd grabbed a chair because it feels like the rug has been pulled out from under his feet.  
"Not Asgardian...?" He echoes and his father nods.  
  
"Loki is Jotun by blood, and while you were gone... I found him in the Vault holding the Casket of Winters." Odin shifts, and if he were anyone else Thor would have thought him uncomfortable. "I believe the cold from the Casket revealed his Jotun form and thus his parentage to him."   
  
Thor feels faint, but he can't collapse into a chair, so instead he paces. "Loki is... Loki is  _Jotun_?" Something strange settles in Thor's stomach but he pushes past it. "He didn't know?" He asks, turning to face his father.  
  
Odin looks pained but determined. "I thought it best he didn't know."  
Frigga gets a sharp look in her eye and her fingers clench. "Did you think he would never find out?" She questions. "And what did you think would happen when he did?" Her tone is soft but biting, and Thor stops his pacing to look at her.  
"I told you to tell him." Frigga says, her voice hard. "At the very least you could have taught him to be proud of his heritage."   
  
"If he wanted a heritage to be proud of, he could have been proud of the one he was given." Odin replies tightly, his hand clenching his staff.  
"Oh and you don't think the Jotun legacy on Asgard has anything to do with what has just transpired?" Frigga snaps, glaring at Odin.   
  
Odin opens his mouth to reply but Thor doesn't hear it. His mother's words echo in his mind and the part of him that learned to question while on Earth reawakens.      
He stares numbly at his father, but his thoughts are elsewhere.   
  
He thinks of the countless tutors he's had throughout his life, how each one felt no shame in expressing their hate and distrust towards Jotuns. How even the most mild of his tutors - the ones who conceded that the Jotnar  _might_ have begun as an intelligent, industrious race - even they were quick to write off the race as nothing more than savages now that they had fallen into ruin.   
(And wasn't it a good thing, they would ask, that the Allfather took the Casket of Winters from such devious creatures? Surely they were not worthy of it, if they ever were.)  
  
He thinks of the childhood games that he and Loki had played in these very halls. Catch and Freeze had been a particular favorite among the palace children. In it, one child, the designated Frost Giant, would chase the rest of the fleeing children in an attempt to 'freeze' them where they stood. The palace halls had been filled with pounding feet and shrieks of terrified delight whenever a game had been going on.  
Now though, Thor thinks of how the very simple concept, Jotun = danger, had been instilled in him from a young age.   
  
He thinks of how he and Loki would sit and listen to old veterans as they wove stories about the cannibalistic monsters they had fought back on Jotunheim. How even his own father had recounted his defeat of Laufey with an air of triumph, never once claiming that it was wrong to  _kill_ a Jotun, only that it was wrong to risk the lives of others while doing so.   
  
_When I'm King, I'll hunt the monsters_ down  _and slay them all! Just as you did father._  
  
Thor's hands clench and anger bubbles up in his chest.  
  
"You taught us they were monsters."  
  
Both Frigga and Odin turn to stare at him but Thor only has eyes for his father.   
"You taught us to hate them." He snarls. "Loki is Jotun and you taught me to  _hate_ them." His voice breaks and Thor looks away, clenching his jaw.          
  
"You think I could have kept all of Asgard from teaching you this?" The Allfather's voice is tight with anger and there's a dangerous growl behind his words.  
  
"You could have done  _something_!" Thor bust out, heedless of his father's growing ire. "You could have instructed the tutors to teach us differently, you could have taught us differently  _yourself_ , but you didn't!"   
  
The Allfather rises from his chair in a smooth motion of contained fury and maybe it's the orange glow from the firelight, but Thor is suddenly reminded of the final moments before his banishment.   
"I will not have you questioning my decisions in regards to Loki." Odin stresses lowly, the firelight glinting off of his eyepatch.   
  
"Then explain them to me." Thor snaps, jerking his head angrily. "Why did you never tell us? Was it because if Loki knew his heritage then you would have some slight obligation in defending it to him?"   
  
A chocking silence descends on them and Thor can feel himself shaking in anger.   
  
"I never told Loki," the Allfather grinds out, his gaze hard, "because I didn't wish him to feel different. I wanted to protect him."     
  
"But Loki  _was_ different." Thor argues swinging his arm wide in frustration. "You tried to treat him the same but instead you  _suffocated_  him."   
  
_Why have you done this? To_ prove _to father that_ I  _am a worthy son._  
_I never_ wanted  _the throne! I only ever wanted to be your equal._  
  
Odin's eye narrows but Thor isn't finished. "Both of us," he continues, "all our lives spent trying to impress you, and now Loki is  _dead!_ "   
  
" _Enough!_ "   
  
Odin pounds his staff into the floor and his shout echoes around the room, effectively silencing his son's rant. Thor stands there panting for a moment before he presses his lips together and whirls around, marching to the door of the room.  
Shoving the heavy door open Thor stomps out, his thoughts spinning and his blood boiling.  
  
Without really meaning to, he finds himself standing outside the door to his brother's rooms, the anger that propelled him there vanishing, leaving him feeling drained.  
After a moment of hesitation, Thor reaches up and pushes the door open, stepping onto the threshold.   
The door swings shut behind him with a heavy thud he barely hears.   
  
Chaos _._ The rooms are in chaos.   
  
It looks as if a fierce storm has ripped its way through Loki's rooms, destroying everything in its wake.   
  
The tapestries that lined the walls lie in heaps on the floor, Loki's drapes are in tatters and look as if a beast had gotten their claws in them.  
Not a single book remains on Loki's shelves and papers lie scattered about the room. Nearly every piece of furniture lies askew, and the remains of a chair sit on Thor's left, presumably having been smashed into the wall behind it.   
Trinkets from across the realms that Loki had painstakingly collected and then displayed lie in ruins on the ground, a personal testament to the younger prince's mental state.   
  
Thor slumps against the door behind him and sinks to the floor. He doesn't move for the rest of the night.    


 

oOo

 

The news of Loki's death spreads throughout the kingdom and preparations for his funeral are made. Thor is gratified that while they are unable to give Loki a proper burial, he at least will be honored in death.   
That being said, if one more simpering noble comes up to him wearing a fake smile and speaking of Loki as if they'd been longtime friends (when Thor  _knows_ they had never thought of Loki in such terms), he's going to wind up punching something. 

He leaves the banquet hall and steps outside, only to see his father standing further out on the balcony.

Thor pauses, he hasn't spoken more than a few words with his father since he'd stormed out of the study only a few days ago. His words spoken in anger leave the air tight with tension.

He is reminded of another time, in his youth, when he'd spoken his mind too carelessly and infuriated a noble from another realm. Loki had spent the better part of several days trying to convince him to make amends. 

 

 _"Thor." Loki sighs exasperatedly. "Just apologize and be done with it."_  
_They are both in Thor's rooms, Loki siting by the fire while Thor practices his sword drills._  
_"I simply don't see the need brother." Thor protests, thrusting his training blade in front of him. "I am not sorry and I refuse to claim otherwise."_

 _Loki groans and looks to the ceiling for guidance. "Sometimes," he begins slowly, "it is better to placate with words while you can, rather than defend with swords later on."_  
_Thor grins and steps into a lunge. "Ah but you forget, I am more than capable with the sword."_    
" _That's not the_ point  _Thor." Loki snaps, leaning forwards. "The point is about relationships. A king who argues with nothing but a blade will soon find himself bereft of allies."_

 _Thor spins and draws his sword upwards. "So you think it is better placate with lies, rather than speak the truth."  
Loki clenches his teeth and a scowl flickers briefly over his face. "It doesn't matter if you _truly  _feel sorrow or not." He insists. "What_ matters  _is making sure you know exactly where you stand with those around you."_

 _Thor drops his arm and turns to face his brother. "Know where I stand?" He raises and eyebrow.  
_"Yes  _Thor." Loki stresses. "This isn't about you, this is about politics. Power and strength are all well and good, but what_ matters _is what people think of you, what they whisper behind your back."_

 _Thor shrugs easily. "If I have power then I can control what they whisper about me." He reaches over and grabs a nearby towel to wipe himself down._  
  
_Loki pursues his lips and his hands clench. "And when you can't fight them? Politics changes the balance of power Thor, sometimes you need to be in the good graces of someone you'd much rather punch," Thor smiles but Loki presses on, "and you_  can't _punch them because they are an important trading partner with Asgard, or because you're in the middle of a tense negotiation period."_  
_"Sometimes," Loki is looking intently at him, "there are people you can't fight Thor. And in those cases, as long as it brings you no harm, it is better to simply say what they want to hear and get on with it."_

Back then Thor had scoffed at the idea that there would ever be something that a few well-placed punches wouldn't bring around to his favor.   
However, now, as he gazes at the hard lines of his father's back, Thor thinks he is finally beginning to understand what his brother had been trying to teach him. 

Thor steps closer so that he is standing just behind his father's shoulder. 

"You'll be a wise king." 

Thor swallows and his gaze flickers downwards for a moment. His father is offering a small truce, and now it's his turn.  

"There will never be a wiser king than you." He says softly. "Or a better father."

Odin looks down and Thor can feel the tension dissipating between them.

Thor continues. "I have... much to learn. I know that now."

 _You have forgotten everything I've taught you._ Thor remembers  _everything_ his father has taught him, only now is he beginning to understand it. 

"Someday perhaps, I shall make you proud."

Odin relaxes and turns around looking pleased. Thor wonders idly if this is how Loki felt whenever he was able to turn a conversation to his favor. 

"You've already made me proud." 

Thor is silent.  


End file.
